29 Ideas of Thanks

Particularly in the world of young people who struggle with eating disorders (but not excluding old people, or those who don't have eating disorders!), there is a great distaste for Thanksgiving. "I don't like the food" "Why do I need turkey to show that I'm thankful for my family?" "I don't even know if I'm thankful for my family!"

I don't like turkey, and I'm not sure how I feel about my family. But here are 29 ideas of what you and I might be thankful for this year, Thanksgiving 2009.

29. I am thankful that I am not in the hospital (or residential treatment center, or other form of intensive treatment). You can even play this up by adding, BECAUSE I DO NOT NEED TO BE THERE! But only if that's really truly true.

28. I am thankful that there is wine at Thanksgiving Dinner...and also thankful that I am not dependent on it.

27. I am thankful that this holiday happens only once a year... but I am still thankful that it does happen every year.

26. I am thankful to have a family who I do not need to spend time with every waking moment of every day.

25. I am thankful for technology, and the instant access to support that it brings me.

24. I am thankful for my friends. (the good ones, anyway)

23. I am thankful for my therapist. (I was thankful for her last year too)

22. I am thankful of my pet(s). I don't know where I'd be without my cat, Paws, except that I would have a few less scars on me...

21. I am thankful that we have vegetables at Thanksgiving dinner.

20. I am thankful that my extended family is just about as uncool as I am.

19. I am thankful for Scrubs, The Golden Girls, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and Law & Order: SVU.

18. I am thankful that I am in school, and not on a leave of absence.

17. I am thankful that I am healthy enough to practice yoga.

16. I am thankful that I can read, and even more thankful that I have the time to do so.

15. I am thankful that I'm a good "stalker" and can find out basically anything I need to know (even though it would be much easier if I had a Blackberry!).

14. I am thankful that I am not in middle school anymore. (Or high school, for that matter. Or college...)

13. I am thankful that I have been learning to take care of myself.

12. I am thankful that I am not allergic to cats.

11. I am thankful that I live in New York.

10. I am thankful that I have a license and a car.

09. I am thankful that I know how to spell, and know how to write well (even if I don't use proper grammar 100% of the time. At least I KNOW it).

08. I am thankful for my psychiatrist and my nutritionist.

07. I am thankful for the ability to find the best in even the worst situations.

06. I am thankful that I have a personality and a sense of humor.

05. I am thankful that I am really good at texting while driving (although I really need to stop. It is really dangerous. I am also thankful that I haven't hurt myself or anyone else while doing this. And thankful that I have been able to cut it way way down).

04. I am thankful that I am not addicted to caffeine anymore (or anything else, for that matter!)

03. I am thankful for Ugg boots because I don't know what I'd wear from September to May without them.

02. I am thankful for the ability to use language, art, and yoga to express myself instead of the maladaptive ways that I used to use.

01. I am thankful to know that I'm not alone in this life.

I'm not an overachiever. I'm not good enough at it.

Never, ever in my life have I considered myself an overachiever.
Have I been called one before? Certainly.
But I'm not quick enough, not efficient enough, not perfect enough to hold onto that title.
Even in the fullest of my times, when I was working full time, attending graduate school in the evening, interning part-time, embarking on my yoga teacher certification, recovering from an eating disorder and dealing with debilitating anxiety (which included not only eating and medication management, but it got to the point of daily therapy appointments, weekly doctor's appointments, bi-weekly nutrition and psychiatry appointments...in addition to the emotional drain, and commuting time), and attempting to maintain some semblance of an appropriate 23-year-old social life (oh yeah, and showering, sleeping, and breathing, too), I did not consider myself an overachiever.
Why not?
Well, I was working 30 hours a week. I had co-workers who were working 40 hours a week and put in even more time than that. I had co-workers who were also in school full time. I had classmates who worked 60 hours a week, and girls I interned with who kept their full work hours and did all of their internship hours on the weekends. There were people in the teacher training program who were able to attend class every Wednesday and attend the monthly Sunday workshop whereas I've only been able to attend one class so far. There are people with far more rigorous treatment schedules than I have. There are even people who have a much more complex "getting ready" routine every morning, involving more makeup, better outfits, and more complicated hairstyles than my own.
Can I honestly say, though, that I have ever encountered a person who was doing all of this at once?
No.
I was hardly even managing to do so.
I managed to pretend that I was fine for quite a while.
But eventually that fell through.
So I couldn't achieve this thing that might have been considered an overachievement.
I couldn't even get help until I was sure I was sick enough.

So now, I haven't done much with my time for the past few weeks.
Does that make me an underachiever?
An overachiever?
Average?

I don't know where I lie.
I also don't know where I got the idea that I have to figure out what everyone else is doing, and do the same or better in order to be good enough.

I'll never consider myself an overachiever, because there will, inevitably, always be someone doing more and somehow managing.

And I refuse to put myself in that place again.