Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Too much?

You know, my personal feeling is that I feel good when I help other people. Occasionally I encounter frustrations but most of the time I feel good knowing that they are getting what they need, and feel glad that I was able to play a part in it.

All my life, people have said to me, "worry about yourself," "don't make unnecessary work for yourself," "stop doing so much for other people," "you come first," "you don't have to..."

And sure, there may have been times when I helped other people when I was the one who needed help (a great example would be my first round in residential), but I've since learned to balance it. Asking for help and giving help.

After discussing reaching out to various people to find resources for a friend in need, I said to Andrea, "I do too much for other people..." and she said "I don't think so! Unless YOU think it's too much..." It really set off a lightbulb for me.

Because who is to tell me if what I'm doing is too much? Random people who don't know me very well at all tend to be the ones who say it. I'd rather listen to and help a friend then go out drinking and dancing. I'd rather use my internet time searching for therapists for a good friend instead of playing Farmville and Cafe World. Id rather lend a hand when I have a hand to lend, than just respond with sadfaced IMs and "oh, that sucks." I prefer, "How can I help you get through this?" or "Would you like it if I _____" or just plain old, "I'm always here to listen."

I did get burnt out listening to a couple of people in the past, but they weren't my good friends, and they were extremely demanding. At first it was nice to help but eventually it was too much. But I called myself out on it, before it hurt me much, if at all. And now, even knowing that sometimes I might get sucked in a little too far, I'm happy to help.

When I'm employed as a professional, there will be boundaries and I won't be able to dive into someone's life as fully as I can right now. Helping is something I like to do and as long as it makes me feel good and isn't hurting anyone (and is generally helping someone else out in the process..even if it's a failed attempt because they at least know that someone cares), then I say go for it. It's not taking over my life -in fact, it makes my life better in the long run because it will get my friend back on her feet. Hmm, maybe it's even a little selfish ;)

I know self-care and balance are important, and I think that right now, I've got them covered. I think I've developed a lot of self-awareness and know when to back down.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love this so much! It's such a great example..

I think there is such a thing as "helping too much" but like you said, only when its hurting you. I mean if it's helping, I don't understand why people freak out about it. Maybe because they've seen people stress over things like that, or maybe because they're somewhat jealous because self comes first. However, I really like this way of thinking. Just make sure and be honest if it gets too much, where as your stressing because you can't help everybody.