Today was a different kind of Nina/Soul Cycle class for me today - we were in Tribeca instead of Scarsdale, and I had Laura with me (my amazing nutritionist of 4 years who introduced me to Soul Cycle some 120 classes ago!), in addition to Maddie (who I not only referred to Laura, but who I brought to Soul Cycle for her first time today). So I was anxious to see what Laura thought of Nina, anxious to see how Maddie liked the class, and anxious to feel the energy of the Tribeca studio.
I wouldn't say that the class was very different than Nina's Scarsdale class, but I had new and different thoughts going through my mind.
What are you riding for? Motivation. Motivation. Motivation. That's what kept going through my head. I need motivation to do more, to do my laundry, to get my licensure, to run, to spin, to date, to live life. But then I got to thinking, am I really that unmotivated? No, that's not the case at all. I'm working 50 hours a week, between Soul Cycle and babysitting, and still managing to get laundry done, squeeze in workouts, and sleep at least six hours a night. I left class, thinking about my intention of finding motivation, and instead I had a realization.
Maybe it's not about motivation.
It seems to me that it's about responsibility.
Not blaming things on external factors. That's not to say I should internalize everything because some things are beyond my control, but really taking a good look at the situation. Am I late because of traffic, or because I am not allowing enough time to get through traffic? Am I unlicensed because the licensing process is long and annoying, or because I am procrastinating the long and drawn out process? Am I anxious because I have an anxiety disorder, or is it because I consume too much caffeine and keep forgetting to pick up my prescription?
It's not about self-blame, it's about realizing that I can take ownership over these things in my life and get them done. Get licensed, find a social work job (and hopefully remain a part-time part of the Soul Family at Scarsdale!), be on time, get enough sleep, make enough money, do my laundry, work out, have fun, and feel good.