Today was a different kind of Nina/Soul Cycle class for me today - we were in Tribeca instead of Scarsdale, and I had Laura with me (my amazing nutritionist of 4 years who introduced me to Soul Cycle some 120 classes ago!), in addition to Maddie (who I not only referred to Laura, but who I brought to Soul Cycle for her first time today). So I was anxious to see what Laura thought of Nina, anxious to see how Maddie liked the class, and anxious to feel the energy of the Tribeca studio.
I wouldn't say that the class was very different than Nina's Scarsdale class, but I had new and different thoughts going through my mind.
What are you riding for? Motivation. Motivation. Motivation. That's what kept going through my head. I need motivation to do more, to do my laundry, to get my licensure, to run, to spin, to date, to live life. But then I got to thinking, am I really that unmotivated? No, that's not the case at all. I'm working 50 hours a week, between Soul Cycle and babysitting, and still managing to get laundry done, squeeze in workouts, and sleep at least six hours a night. I left class, thinking about my intention of finding motivation, and instead I had a realization.
Maybe it's not about motivation.
It seems to me that it's about responsibility.
Not blaming things on external factors. That's not to say I should internalize everything because some things are beyond my control, but really taking a good look at the situation. Am I late because of traffic, or because I am not allowing enough time to get through traffic? Am I unlicensed because the licensing process is long and annoying, or because I am procrastinating the long and drawn out process? Am I anxious because I have an anxiety disorder, or is it because I consume too much caffeine and keep forgetting to pick up my prescription?
It's not about self-blame, it's about realizing that I can take ownership over these things in my life and get them done. Get licensed, find a social work job (and hopefully remain a part-time part of the Soul Family at Scarsdale!), be on time, get enough sleep, make enough money, do my laundry, work out, have fun, and feel good.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
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